Bad Toast
Just off the top of my head I can list these great feats of human beings: 1) Cars are not bad as are planes. 2) Lorries—without them you’d have nobody to cut you up when you drove down the motor-way. 3) Butterfly collecting: you have to admit that even if you don’t like butterflies then you have to appreciate that someone actually caught them, which is impressive in itself considering that butterlfies are probably the hardest to catch thing ever flown. But for all our good, there are some things we will never be able to solve. Shutting Michael Winner and his big mouth up is one of them. The other is making some new luxury kitchen accessories, like a toaster that will not burn your toast–
As a toast fanatic I have tried everything to get my toast right. When I say everything I mean buying numerous (supposed) professional toasters and toaster accessories; holding the toaster upside down and holding the toast in myself and getting burnt; and even closely watching, never taking my eye off the prize, not ever. Not even when I feel tempted to prepare the butter in to slices for when the big pop-up moment comes. But it never works! Not ever! It’s either almost done or over-done or just plain ruined. Rare is the occasion when a perfect piece of edible toast pops up, one which doesn’t require scraping the black crap off and swearing constantly while threatening to give up toast forever. Rare is the occasion when anyone I know produces good quality toast, the way that Mother Nature intended!
A truly tragic state of affairs. We can put a monkey in space but we can’t toast bread. What has the world come to? Will anyone ever produce a toaster that everyone can use without threat of bad toast?